JobPredictor.com does just what you kinda suspected it might: you tell it your name, it tells you your ideal job. So I casually entered my name and clicked submit. Lo and behold, my future job:
Tim Cuthbertson, Your ideal job is a Emperor of all the world.
Hey, cool! That doesn't sound like too bad a life. I could really get used to the emperor lifestyle I reckon. But wait a minute, what if I use my full name?
Timothy Cuthbertson, Your ideal job is a Gigolo.
Dammit, from now on my first name is oficially just "Tim".
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